Battle of the mind and the heart
by Bindi-the-skunk
Summary: Thorin, Kili and Fili, and the others survived TBOTFA but Bilbo does not know this thinking Thorin died in his arms ...and now as the dwarves make the trek back to the shire to show their burglar that they are okay, the other hobbits of the shire have to deal with a rapidly mentally deteriorating Bilbo and the dwarves will not like what they bear witness to when they get there
1. Chapter 1

Just a side note...the one ring has already been flushed down the crapper, Bilbo tossed it on his way home (feeling like he was cutting off his own fingers in the process but he did it)

just so no one wonders where it is, despite the fact that I plan on making this fiction DARK, the one ring will play no role except perhaps a mention or two

not to mention I am not quite sure what Bilbo's canon eye color is...but a lot of people make him green-eyed so I'm running with it (since I also have green eyes ^^ )

* * *

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins made a very poor choice on an otherwise lovely morning

The she-hobbit had been more then a little bit miffed when her cousin had returned from his thirteen months of absence just when she and her husband were about to get rid of all his junk and move in themselves and booted everyone off and managed to buy most of his things back, before holing himself up inside, only being open to telling stories to the fauntlings at random times and once and a while to warmly thank his gardener Hamfast Gamgee for his work usually in between laughter as a gaggle of fauntlings attempted to scale his legs eager for more of his stories.

Otherwise, he only came out to do his shopping, to smoke in his gardens or to do his storytelling, never offering a glance at anyone else, in the 5 months he had been back, this had been his pattern, treating his fellow hobbits like they were diseased.

It certainly was a strange sight to see!

Not to mention,Bag End was _her _rightful inheritance!

So what was so wrong with her wanting to take bits of it for herself?

After making sure Bilbo was properly seated in his gardens, smoking like he usually did on mornings like this, one of the few behaviors from his past he had not been shaken of, Lobelia snuck around the side of the house looking for a way inside.

She found an open window and with no shortage of effort wiggled herself and her ostentatious dress through it and entered the smial looking about for things of value, of which she was sure her cousin had, she had heard from several respectable witnesses that he was seen giving away GOLD as a token to children, to think! giving away gold to strangers children! And not only that, filling their heads with stories from his exploits, such a show of unhobbit-like behavior!

No wonder people had started calling him 'Mad Baggins'!

It honestly made her feel ill

He had goodness knows what hidden away in his home, and he most likely would be out there for hours, clouding his mind with thoughts of adventure, ratty ponies, filthy dwarves and other deviant ideas that no proper hobbit would so much as give a passing thought to, much less do what her cousin had done! hopefully, no one thought she was like him!

She wandered around taking in the sights of the large hobbit house.

Ugh! This place has become a disgrace!

Lobelia scowl deepened as she looked around the hobbit hole, books littered the home, random titles, colors, and spines, papers with familiar writing on them also swamped the desks, tables and a few even decorated the floor like crumpled, dirty confetti, disgusting! Of course what else should she expect from her kooky cousin? She honestly should not be surprised if she found childish finger paintings all over the walls.

Perhaps he had hidden that chest she had seen under his arm when he returned in his bedroom?

Outside Bilbo was enjoying the warm morning, he had tucked away a big breakfast and today was the day when most Shire children went to play in the streams, so he would not have to worry about any unexpected eyes looking for a tale or two from him, his head had been hurting a little bit as of late, but he guessed it was just because it was healing from the blow he had gotten from the battle.

He did not mind the fauntlings, don't get him wrong, but they could be rather pushy at the best of times, but he would take an army of children over most of the adults of the shire, who had taken his absence as an excuse to break into his house, round up his belongings and **_auction_** them all off! And had dared once he had returned to ask him who he was! it's not like he returned with floor-length hair and a dwarf beard!

'Who are you?' BAH! a load of thieving bandits! He even found that they had dared CRACK his china! Not to mention what else they might have taken, he was sure he had 7 of those blue bowls...

How tiring it had been, having to buy back his own items, and even then he had not found it all, so many of his family heirlooms, gone in a flash.

All at the hands of his own kin, who had not even offered much more than a shocked look at his return, being more miffed at having their little theft ring interrupted!

To the darkest pit with all of them!

He **HATED** them ...

He would sooner have every single dwarf that was at that battle tear through his house again before he let those rats in! At least they had the decency to clean the dishes!

Bombur's little egg catching trick had been somewhat amusing to look back on, then again, he had a lot of good memories to look back on...

And sad ones

He could still feel Thorin's rough Dwarven clothes under his hands, the scarred glove as he slipped his own hand over it, the slippery blood as it poured from the kings wound, just the memory of it made his stomach twist into knots and made him want to scrub his hands in some attempt to cleanse them of the memories of the blood, he did not even recognize his own voice at that moment, begging Thorin to look at the eagles, before eventually, he had been whimpering next to him like an animal that had lost its beloved master.

He still did not know what he had felt for the ex-king, he was his friend indeed, love was in his heart for him, but at the same time, he remembers the thick meaty hands around his neck, being thrown into the cold stone and being almost pushed over to the ground, figures rushing to him once he had been let go, the once kind blue eyes of Thorin Oakenshield, being coated in the inky black of greed and betrayal.

He had been happy to see them clear, one last time, before ...

What he would not give, to see them again, to see them all again, he had been sad that none of his living friends had arrived to see him yet, but he supposed that they had to rebuild their home, to smooth over the relations between them and the people of Laketown, perhaps even helping hand out the wealth to other towns, to help more people, to make middle earth great once more, then, just maybe, he would be having some hairy guests for tea.

He would make sure to stock up on eggs and cheese blocks and not bother with the knife, proper dish rags would be stuffed into every nook he could get them in to make sure no more stains popped up on his doilies.

Oh, perhaps he should find some instruments ...

Wait...what was that movement in his house?

Lobelia shifted through the bedroom, finding it smelled disgustingly of something very not-hobbit like at all only to see the cause being a pile of random clothes on the bed, too big to be her cousins, the clothes were in royal blues and had metals attached to them, she even tripped over a pair of huge boots!

In her misplaced rage at falling to the floor, the little she-Hobbit grabbed the pile and threw them to the floor accidently tipping over a bottle of some strange wine onto the pile that was on the bed table, oh that was going to stain...

But before she could grab the bottle, it looked expensive after all, her curly brown locks where grabbed roughly from behind and she was almost thrown completely across the room landing on her bottom, she clutched the back of her head to nurse the throbbing there and looked up to see the fiery green eyes of her cousin, he stood there, a sword pointed at her nose, where had that come from!?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" Bilbo practically roared, the sound not sounding like it belonged to his tiny form "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THEM!?"

Them?

Bilbo made his way over to the pile of clothing, face twisting even more at the sight of the wine stain before lifting up a sleeve with his free hand and putting it to his face.

"No, this had their scent on it! and you ruined it!" Bilbo wailed turning to her once again sticking the sword only a few inches from her face eyes widened fully and it seemed like his teeth had become fang-like in his anger.

No

Not anger

Madness

Lobelia stared up at him the new information sinking into her brain

He really was insane!

Lobelia managed to get to her feet but still got a cut on her nose for her trouble courtesy of being lunged at by the crazed hobbit and booked it outside and ran till her legs where sore fearing he would chase her, but Bilbo did not go past his door.

"Horrible witch" Bilbo muttered to himself putting sting away, calming down he shut the smials door and wandered back into his bedroom and whimpered seeing the mess, he picked up the clothes, ignoring the wine dripping to the floor and tried to find another spot with the signature smell on it, and once he did he snuggled up to it and stayed there the rest of the day completely unbothered by his deeds mear moments ago.

But this action

Would not just disappear

* * *

Bilbo seeming to just "bounce back" smiling at Gandalf did not sit right with me...so the result is before you, someone who is hiding what the battle did to them through false smiles and tales of amazing adventures only for it to leak when someone disrespects his barriers


	2. Chapter 2

A bit of fun with our favorite none-animated dwarven company

* * *

_Blunt the knives and bend the forks!_

_Smash the bottles and burn the corks!_

_Chip the glasses and crack the plates!_

_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates_

_Cut the cloth and trail the fat!_

_Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!_

_Pour the milk on the pantry floor!_

_Splash the wine on every door!_

_Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;_

_Pound them up with a thumping pole;_

_And when you've finished, if they are whole_

_Send them down the hall to roll!_

_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!_

The dwarves laughed at their song as they rode in their cart through the twisting lands heading into the shire, they decided to get it all out now before they met up with Bilbo again, their host would undoubtedly not appreciate being teased in such a way a second time, they did not want the tiny hobbit to work up the nerve to actually do some blunting of his own on their beards!

Kíli already had his short enough so he could use his bow properly, he did not need it completely shaved off!

"Ah, it will be good seeing the lad again," Balin said fixing his cloak

"And let him know everyone is alright, he will be so happy to see the king and Fili and Kili" Ori said smiling as he adjusted a package on his lap which contained a large scarf for their friend that the young dwarf had knitted himself, the months after the battle had been hard and straining on everyone, learning that the royal family still clung to some small shred of life and trying to keep them alive, to restoring Erebor the best they could for proper living, it all had left no time to write a proper letter, a fact which the whole company had regretted, so they all decided that now, now was the time to head out and just surprised their burglar!

Thorin had all the faith in his sister Dis to keep the peace during his absence (he highly doubted anyone would dare mess with HER, if they valued their lives ) and he also had missed the tiny hobbit, he felt horrible with how he had treated the faithful creature, after saving their lives many times, he had succumbed to gold sickness and almost thrown him from the stone wall, he would make sure to spend as much time fixing that error as Bilbo chose to give him, if he chose to give him any at all, saying words to someone who is dying to comfort them in their last moments, and actually meaning them, were two different things, Thorin knew this, as much as he hoped Bilbo did mean them and forgave him, he knew that he had so much to atone for with the hobbit.

And he would do his best

"Oi! don't touch that! you're going to spill it!" Gloin scolded Dwalin who just grumbled having been trying to move a sizable chest so he could rest his legs on top of it, said chest contained random bits from the treasure horde, part of what was promised to Bilbo, no where near the 1/14th share as was stated, but it was all they could fit inside the cart that also was carrying 13 bulky dwarven men (well 12 bulky men and one Ori ) and they all highly doubted Bilbo would appreciate a sudden dumping of random valuables on his doorstep, especially if what he had said about greedy relatives being true.

Some words would be said about that if someone showed up at the door without good intent for their friend.

"Everyone settle down, we should be there by the next night" Thorin said, also feeling the stress of the journey, dealing with 12 arguing dwarves, all who had a different opinion with how they would go about the visit was tiring, to say the least, but he had to also admit, it was easier having a cart being pulled by a strong horse so they did not have to walk the whole way, not to mention it had cut their travel time in half, plus as a bonus the orcs, goblins, and other dark nastiness had been seeming to be fading away for some reason, like their source of being has been cut off suddenly.

Maybe Bilbo would know the reason?

"Thorin is right, I don't need to be fixing any broken skulls on this journey!" Oin said bluntly "I already had my fill of that working on you three idiots!"

"Will you stop that already?" Thorin rolled his eyes having dealt with this ranting ever since he was lucid enough to understand it

"No, I will not! who stands around watching a body under the ice?!" You basically LET him stab you in the foot!" for all his silliness, Oin took injuries and the stupid actions that led to them VERY seriously.

"I was trying to make sure he was dead"

"And you did a GREAT job of it..."

"Listen here you-"

"QUIET!" Balin shouted actually managing to gain their attention, he was tired of his king and their resident doctor/midwife/astrologer fighting over something that was 5 months past "This is not going to fix anything, and will just give everyone a headache or bring whatever dark forces that are lead right to us, this is meant to be a happy occasion, lets make sure it is one"

After a few mumbled apologies things descended into silence save a few sounds of shifting from a random member of the company trying to get comfortable

Balin spoke up again, this time in his normal soft tone

"I will be the first one to head up and knock on the door-" Balin started before being interrupted by Kili

"Why can't all of us go up? we all have missed him"

"Because I don't doubt the poor lad would faint dead away at the sight of three supposed-to-be- dead dwarves at his doorway, I can ease him into it, then you can do your planned stampede of the house" Balin stated, he knew that for how much the journey had changed Bilbo, he was still Bilbo, and anyone would pass out at the sight of the dead at their house asking for entrance.

Kili pouted a bit but did not argue any further, he had grown very attached to the hobbit and had even started to see him as another uncle, a very fussy mother hen of an uncle, but still an uncle, he wanted to go up with his brother and uncle so the three of them could hug their honorary family member, but he also knew Balin had a point, just the mear thought of a dragon had made him go to the floor, much less seeing them all alive and well with no prior warning.

They wanted this visit to be perfect

* * *

next chapter is when the orc shit really hits the fan!


	3. Chapter 3

You guys will NOT like me after this chapter...

* * *

_j__uicy...feast__ ...feast ...feast ..._

_throw him from the ramparts!_

_Is it _taaaaasty_? Is it _scruuuuumptious_? Is it crunchable?!_

_Ask us...ASK US!_

_mine..._

_"I kill where I _wish,_ when I wish_

_My _armour_ is iron_

_No blade can pierce me_

_My teeth are swords, my claws are spears_

_My wings are a hurricane!_

_I will not part ...with a single coin..._

_Farewell_

_go back_

_go back_

_go back_

_Times up_

Bilbo awoke from the nightmare unable to move and an intense banging in his ears, his body paralyzed from the last dregs of sleep that claimed it, gasping for air, feeling the sensation of something pressing down on his chest like the dragon Smaug himself was pushing him down into his sheets

not real...not real...

Bilbo gasped out and finally, his body was under his command again as he twisted to his side clutching the tunic at his side as hot tears burst from his eyes.

He had done everything he could to try and make the images stop, but he had been haunted by them ever since he had returned to the Shire, he had wanted to talk to someone about it, but after thinking about how willingly they had written him off as dead, stealing his things and acting like he was a liar when he said who he was, treating him like trash, none of them were someone he could trust, and he did not want to shove his issues onto Hamfast and his family, they had already done so much for him, even helping him get many of his possessions back.

No doubt that loyalty would be set into their children as well, at least he hoped so, it seemed that loyalty to kin was lacking in the shire from his perspective.

Perhaps he should just leave?

He had gotten a notice that his cousin of the Brandybuck branch had recently gotten married, perhaps they would like bag end as a wedding present? Bilbo had no place in the Shire anymore, his house, no longer felt like a home, his soft, warm bed might as well have been cold stone, he still loved reading his books and looking at his maps, but he missed his friends in Erebor, seeing the mountains, the trees, yes the nightmares plagued him, but it's not like being back home was helping him heal any.

The only real comfort he had was the fact he no longer had that blasted ring to deal with, and even then, he still sort of wished he had not thrown it away into the fiery pits, his hand still felt too light without the ring on it, it was a sickening feeling, that something so evil could have such a hold over him even after being destroyed.

Yes, that's what he would do

He would give the Shire residents what they wanted, he would leave, return to Erebor, see his friends, perhaps he could teach them some baking techniques if they had their kitchens in order, he was no skilled gardener like Hamfast, but he loved flowers, so he could do his best to properly learn, make things grow, make the mountain beautiful for his beloved friends.

Yes! that is exactly what he would do!

Now to just put his things in order, he had to make sure the Brandybucks got there quickly to lay claim to the hill before they had another incident like he had walked up to!

A perfect plan!

He would, of course, come to visit them, make sure no one was giving them trouble, perhaps he would walk in to a bunch of new little cousins to tell stories to! Bag end was huge, it should be filled with laughter and love from people who could truly appreciate it's bounty.

Now he just needed to get some pap-

What? That banging was still going on?

Yes, most definitely...

Bilbo stood up and realized the banging he was hearing was his door, it did not sound like dozens of little hands wanting inside for tales, nor Hamfast's gentle rap taps to alert him of his presence before going about his business, this was hard knocking of someone who was not going to be gentle about their desires to be let inside.

Bilbo lit a candle to see as it was dark at this point and he did not wish for his toes to come in contact with his mother's glory box on the way, that was something he did not want to have a repeat performance of.

the banging continued and now a muffled voice was shouting at him through the wood, who on earth could be so eager to come in?

He briefly considered turning back to fetch Sting but decided that it might not be the best idea, after all, he highly doubted a goblin or orc would bother with knocking in the first place!

Bilbo slowly unlatched the door and opened it, narrowly avoiding being hit in the face by his unwelcome visitor's rapid-fire knockings

Bilbo's eyes went wide when he saw several hobbits outside his house, they all looked like they were about to witness some type of festivity and kept trying to get a clear view of the doorway

"May ...can I..help you?" Bilbo said unsure of what to make of the crowd and feeling a cold drop of ice go into his belly and up his spine screaming at him to just shut the door again, but he did not want to offer any more ammunition against him so he let the door remain open

"Yes, there is something I would like to discuss with you, kindly step outside and close your door behind you" said Kerr Litfoot, the Shires doctor, he was a portly hobbit with curly greyed hair and wore a long doctors coat, always buttoned tight to the point it looked like they would pop off at any moment and round ,thick-rimmed specks that gleamed in the light of the moon.

"No, I would much prefer to talk from here" Bilbo did not enjoy being rude, but showing up unannounced to his door and then asking him such specific instructions that would leave him most certainly vulnerable without Sting by his side.

"It was not a request Mister Baggins, you have some serious accusations against you that we all wish to know if they are true or not" Kerr said flatly reaching for Bilbo's arm in an attempt to yank him outside, only for said hobbit to recoil from his touch and shove a foot outside trying to get the older hobbit away from him so he could properly close the door.

Big mistake

The old Kerr moved fast for his weight and age and grabbed Bilbo's foot and yanked knocking the poor hobbit off his other foot and sending him to the ground where he tried to avoid knocking himself out on the threshold but still ended up dazing himself on the doorframe in this attempt, also dropping his candle.

"Careful now Master Litfoot! He is dangerous! That sword of his was mere inches from decapitating me!" shouted Lobelia Baggins "Get him institutionalized immediately! so we all can be safe again!"

Bilbo stared off into literal space as his mind registered what was just shouted

Institutionalized?

"I'm not insane!" Bilbo kicked out with his other foot, smirking when it hit home in the doctor's chest knocking him onto his bottom and effectively freeing himself and scuttled backward "She entered my home without permission and effectively ruined my belongings in her attempts to steal from me!"

"I wanted to surprise you, dear cousin" Lobelia started with mock sweetness that made Bilbo feel ill, "I thought we could have tea, but then you pointed that WEAPON in my face and swung it at me!"

"I didn-" Bilbo tried to defend himself but was grabbed from behind by Kerr, who attempted to get the smaller hobbit onto his knees, but Bilbo was having none of it and decided to hell with being polite and diplomatic, Bilbo screeched and started clawing, biting, kicking and flailing trying to free himself, eventually Kerr got tired of this abuse and gave a hard smack to the back of Bilbo's head, stunning him again, but before he could be dragged away...

"FIRE!"

Bilbo heard the screams

Hobbits quickly backed off as finally the fire that had started within Bag End was noticed, the candle Bilbo had lit to help him to the door had rolled, still somehow lit and found the papers littering the inside after Bilbo's fall and spread quickly to other objects.

The doctor let go of Bilbo's arms and ran with the others in an attempt to save himself from the blistering heat now worming its way outside onto the plants and flowers

Bilbo,still out of it from his now two head blows in just a few minutes of each other, could only stare into the blaze, as everything he had once been so desperate to return to, that contained so many memories, of the house that he had hoped to give to those who would keep it's inviting nature intact and be filled with laughter and love

Go up in literal flames

* * *

Told you ...what will poor Bilbo do now?


	4. Chapter 4

Welcome back and enjoy my insanity

* * *

Balin knew something was wrong

It was like a cold shiver ran down his back, like he was in the Iron Hills again, in the dead of winter in nothing but his cloak for warmth, he hoped it was just a simple chill, but his gut said something was amiss with their hobbit and he gave a hard sniff.

The smell of smoke was in the air

He urged the horse to go faster ignoring the protests to the bumpier ride

"MASTER BAGGINS RUN!" came a voice from above Bilbo, it sounded so close, yet so far, the once-proud hobbit now laid on the ground, letting the flames lick at his feet like a hungry warg mount, but he could not find it in himself to care.

He had lost so much

Those in the shire wanted him gone so badly?

He would just let them have their wish, he could be with Thorin again, Fili and Kili too, warm smiles looking down on him, embracing him in a too hard, but still full of love, hug, oh he wanted that so badly right now, Drarrow braids tickling his nose, the smell of the air and trees, rough fabric encasing him in its comforting embrace.

He just needed to let go ...

Rough hands, calloused from years of working in the earth, grabbed him, yanking him away from the bite of the fire, he looked into the worried eyes of Hamfast Gamgee, but before he could shout at him to just run like everyone else had, or thank him for saving his life.

Bilbo's consciousness left him

Hamfast was shorter then Bilbo was, at only 3,11 to Bilbo's 4,1, but he was strong, years of his craft molding him to carry heavy baskets and wheelbarrows of produce, a much too thin hobbit was like carting a pumpkin.

His employers face was pale, not possessing the rosy tint of a healthy hobbit, the fire did not seem to have burnt his feet too badly, but they could end up ugly and blistered if not cared for, his hair was an oily mess, all in all he looked like a shadow of what he was, Hamfast knew he was suffering, but had not pried, not feeling it was his business, and even coldly considered it just, for adventures were not something that was good for any shire hobbit.

Hamfast felt ashamed for those thoughts

The gardener watched as the once beautiful bag end crumbled like a child's sandcastle under a strong breeze, he watched his own work in the flowers and plants quickly catch fire and turn to ash.

But he knew he had no right to mourn the loss of his work, Mister Baggins lost so much more that night, he lost his neighbors, who should have stuck by him in his time of pain and turmoil, his sanity, that all of them had ignored, not choosing to see someone who needed them, to offer help, and finally his home, the last shreds of his once happy Shire life, all gone in an instant.

Hamfast got Bilbo into a better position, head resting on his shoulder, a strong arm around his waist to steady the unconscious hobbit, it would make carrying him to his home easier, perhaps to any passers-by that had not run like cowards, despite their desire to see someone locked up earlier, would think he was just carting a drunken friend, Hamfast took off his hat and put it on Bilbo's head for some attempt at concealing his identity, he had suffered enough humiliation.

And so the gardener Gamgee started his walking towards his home

Bell Gamgee gently cleaned around her home as much as her large pregnancy bump would allow her to, of course, her other children were thankfully playing in the backyard, allowing their mother much-needed peace to do her tasks.

The petite she-hobbit jumped a bit, dropping her cleaning rag to the floor as her beloved husband burst through the door, another hobbit, clad in her Hamfasts sunhat hiding his face, in his arms.

"I will explain in a moment love, but he requires care, I will lay him in the guest room" Hamfast hobbled off, their impromptu guest not even giving a slight movement or noise despite how roughly he was being jostled.

Bell followed her husband into the guest room, having enough sense about her to grab their large medical kit from under the sinks, but this would be the first time she would treat someone other than her husband.

Hamfast laid Bilbo down on the bed, straightening him up the best he could manage and turned to face his wife, the gardener saw the kit in her hands and smiled gently at her, she was beauty and kindness in one package and Hamfast thanked the stars every day for her presence in his life, their many children a symbol of that fact.

Hamfast sighed, this was no time to oogle his bride, she needed a proper answer for his bringing another into their house unannounced.

"Master Bilbo has suffered greatly this night, his home has gone up in flames, and the crowd gathered there just left him behind to burn with it, he has some burns on his feet, but it's his mental state that worries me most, whatever he encountered beyond the Shire...has left his mind in tatters, he just stared blankly into the inferno, I had to drag him back and away, he passed out after that, he looked willing to burn with the house, and from what I have seen of his treatment by others, it's not hard to blame him for such a decision"

Bell had an urge to sit down at this information, but she knew she had a job to do, she would absorb all of this horror later, right now, she had a patient to treat!

The she-hobbit carted the medical kit over and settled it in a nearby chair and opened it, burn ointment was taken out first and slathered all over the male hobbits feet to hopefully prevent too much damage, but he would undoubtedly still be in pain when he woke, so out next was some pain medicine, Bilbo managed to struggle in his unconscious state against the sour-smelling liquid, but Bell Gamgee did not raise four, soon to be five amazing children for nothing! Down the medicine went.

Bilbo gagged at it and rolled onto his side still making horrible choking noises, Bell placed a soft, cool hand against his hot, too hot, forehead to try and calm him "don't you throw up now, can you hear me? breath!" Bell stroked the damp curls till the suffering hobbits body went limp once more and she stood as straight as she could looking out the window "seems the fires have died now, perhaps you should see what you can salvage from the wreck...before those vultures descend on it for the same purpose, I will watch over him"

Hamfast knew better than to argue with her and headed out to the house in the hill

Oh...

The house, that Bilbo's father had put so much care and love into building, was all but ash, his hard work, for nothing, Hamfast bit back the feelings of pity, he was here to bring his employer what he could, to perhaps give him some kind of tether to whatever remained of his mind.

And he searched, ash coated his feet in a way dirt never could or would, it was still warm, but not hot, the chill of the air cooling the coals into black specks littering the ashes like black mold in a grey sheet.

His foot landed on something metal, reaching down he pulled a sword from the darkness and in his shock, almost threw it back into the ashes to be buried once more from his view, but he bit back the urge, this was not his to throw away, it was a beautiful piece he had to admit, with vine-like designs in its blade, he could see why Bilbo would keep it.

A bit more searching produced a strange white and silver chain shirt that was shockingly light, Hamfast knew enough to know it was mithril, something like this was worth more than the whole shire!

He could only think of what would happen if someone else had found it...

"Who are you!?" came a bellowing voice "Where is Bilbo!?"

Hamfast was grabbed up as easily as a naughty faultling caught stealing carrots, a pair of fierce blue eyes, the eyes of someone who had seen war, bloodshed, and pain, stared back at him, he gripped the sword and shirt tighter in his fear, he wished he had the bravery to swing the blade at his attacker, but those eyes held him back.

Then he noticed

There were 12 others with him, all hairy and only a bit taller then a hobbit would grow

Were these...

"A-are y-you...the dwarves that Master Baggins always tells my children about?" Hamfast stuttered out.

"He knows Bilbo!" Cried the dwarf with the shortest beard grinning happily

"Why do you have his shirt and sword? Who are you?" Came the rumbling voice from the blue-eyed one

A bit braver now, knowing that this group was one to trust, at least somewhat, he held out the items to them "I am Hamfast Gamgee, I'm a gardener, I was just going to bring them back to him, he was hurt in the fire, not badly, but he is very sick, I was hoping to bring him what I could salvage would help" Hamfast found himself gently put back on his feet and the objects taken from his hands.

The blue-eyed one spoke again, only this time in a much softer tone "please, show us the way to your home, I need to see Bilbo again...there is much I need to discuss with him"

Hamfast nods and headed once more for his home, thirteen dwarves in tow...

His wife was just going to em love /em this...

* * *

Yep, Hamfast is Bilbo's Sam...of sorts...


	5. Chapter 5

Ok from here on out it's been desided that the fiction will be friendship only with a few hints here and there (that can be seen as simple friendliness if you wish )

And as much as people rip on the Jackson Hobbit films, they at least gave Bilbo a makeover, in the books (and in the animated Hobbit film) he was just a fat, whiny idiot who stole the Arkenstone for himself, yeah the whole "giving it away for Thorin's own good" was Jackson's gift to the fandom, Bilbo was just as taken by it as Thorin in the bookand stole it for selfish reasons, yeah the films screwed Frodo up BAD, in the books he was much braver and more like Bilbo in the Hobbit trilogy, so yeah, now I don't hate movie-Frodo, but if I do a story with Frodo as a child-teen-adult, he will be more like his book counterpart, book-Bilbo can kiss an orcs ass though, he was just a big load who got knocked out right from the start of the battle. (and Thorin was an even BIGGER butthole in the books and a huge blowhard )

anyway... oh! and check out this! post/147207501048/so-i-doodled-some-battle-ready-baggins-it-seems say hello to your hobbitty nightmares tonight!

* * *

Bilbo awoke with a terrible ache in his head and a sour taste on his tongue, it was like he had angered Dwalin and gotten a Warhammer to the skull for his trouble, his feet also tingled strangely, plus his mouth, Oh that was foul! whatever it was, had he eaten kingsfoil for some reason?

"Well, what is this I see? My guest is finally rejoining the world of the living!" came a soft voice from his side and the gentlehobbit forced his eyes open to see Bell Gamgee standing there, a steaming bowl in her hands that smelled heavenly.

Bell waddled over to him and set the bowl down on the bedside table and put a hand to his head to check his fever "well, the good news is your fever has lowered"

Bilbo was confused "F-fever?"

Bell nods "yes, it was pretty high when you arrived, have you been eating and sleeping well?"

He could not bring himself to answer her

"You're silence speaks volumes" the she-hobbit deadpanned making Bilbo's face go red from embarrassment instead of fever "If you were having trouble why didn't you say something to us? Hamfast tends to your garden often, I'm sure he would have been open for a chat during his work"

Bilbo shook his head looking away, he could not look her in the eyes, not after everything that had happened, she and Hamfast were trying to help him, and for that, he was grateful, but he also felt guilty, he did not want them tangled in his problems like a couple of rabbits in a snare, they deserved better than that, they had another child on the way, that was something to be joyful about, they should not have to deal with him eclipsing their sunlight.

"Well?" Bell pushed him a bit

"I do not belong here, it's not a problem anyone in the Shire can understand, I was planning on leaving as soon as I could, Bag end should be in the hands of someone who would take care of it and be able to appreciate everything inside, my cousin, Drogo, should have been able to enjoy it with his new bride, but now it's gone up in smoke, now I have even more reason to leave and never return, I will be out of your hair right after I thank you and Hamfast properly for your help" Bilbo said turning again to her, a deep frown was set into the female hobbits face, like she had sucked on a particularly sour lemon.

"You should not wander into the forests alone, before you had that dwarf company, now you will just be alo-" but before she could finish that sentence, the door for the second time that night burst open, only instead of her husband with another ill guest, several dwarves fell in, right on top of each other, her poor husbands surprised squeak coming from under the pile making both none squished hobbits stare at the group.

"Oh! we do apologize there Mister Gamgreen!" Kili said managing to pull Hamfast out of the dwarf pile and set him safely, if a bit out of breath and very disheveled, on the floor.

Bilbo stared

Fili...Kili...Thorin...

As clear as day, they were there, alive, all of them falling into a dog pile much like how they had come to his door months ago, all three royals saw him on the bed and ran over like puppies after detangling themselves.

"Mister Baggins!" Fili and Kili shouted, getting first dibs on hugging the hobbit as their uncle was having issues wrenching his cape free from under Bombur, but he soon joined his nephews in hugging Bilbo tightly.

Bilbo felt boneless, his arms limp at his sides as the three held him close, here they all are, after 5 months of thinking they died horrible deaths at the hands of the orcs, they were at his side hugging him like a favorite plush toy, the braids tickled his nose as he breathed in and out slowly, the smell of the mountain tops still clung to the trio, they where just as he remembered them, Bilbo wanted to cry tears of relief, he was so hap-

Wait a second...

Wait just a darn minute!

Bilbo felt anger flare up inside him and finding his skeleton again he reached out, grabbed all three beards (or Hair in Kili's case) and pulled HARD on it earning shouts of surprise and pain from the dwarves in question.

"OW! Mister Bilbo that hurts!"

"Please unhand my hair! You're going to yank it out!"

"This is- OW!"

"FIVE bloody MONTHS! No letter! Or any type of notice that you three were alright! You Rockheaded Dwarrows!" Bilbo kept up with his yanking, shouting angrily, much to the entertainment of Bell Gamgee who's filled belly jiggled with her laughter as her baby seemed to also be enjoying the show.

"We, ow! had-OW! bus-ouch!"

"Not-One-SiNgLe- LETTER!"

Bilbo punctuated every word, getting louder and more irate with each, all three dwarves knew they had to say something quickly to keep from requesting a session with the tattoo artist to explain away the sudden bald patches in their faces and scalps, they tried wrenching the tiny hands free, but this proved about as easy as removing briars or tree branches from their hair, as thin fingers seem to have bonded with the strands with the incessant yanking.

But suddenly it stopped

Bilbo felt the fight rush out of him like air, he felt so tired,his anger at them spent rather quickly from pulling on their braids like a child's pull toy, he felt a bit better at having got some of his termoil out, but now with the fire in his stomach being extinguished...

Out came the water from his eyes

Bilbo leaned forward, his head landing on Thorin's chest, his fingers detangling themselves, he let out a shuddering sigh as his body went limp again, the dwarf king was afraid their hobbit had passed out from his fit, but the open eyes darting to the ground and then back up said otherwise, Thorin frowned at seeing Bilbo's eyes, they were bloodshot, tired, looking like the poor hobbit had not slept very well, if at all, as if the only rest he got was after he had just fainted from pure exhaustion and quickly had tears gathering in them, like a dam about to burst.

And it burst fast

Thorin tensed up as a wail to rival a wargs howl erupted from the tiny hobbit, it sent cold chills down every one of the dwarves spines at the pure emotion in it, Hobbits, they knew, were very much like children, and the cries sounded like just that, the cry of a lost child, abandoned by his kin, left to rot alone and feeling unloved, every shadow they see, a demon sent to consume them or drag them away into their inky depths

Slowly the other dwarves approached the bed, hands reaching out to touch, to comfort, to sooth the shrieks, none of them spoke, what could they even say? So they let him wail, scream and bawl till only harsh wheezes came out from screaming himself hoarse, months of the pent up rage, fear, and sorrow that poisoned his mind, like an untended wound leaking pus and blood that was lanced open to free the infection.

Thorin felt the guilt twist in his gut

He did this

He had been so blinded by what was supposed to be going right in his life, that he had ignored his friend, he had already wounded him during his gold sickness, then allowed their burglar to go on thinking three of his companions died horrid deaths , that he himself, had died in the hobbits arms, thinking he would be ok with their just showing up to his door unannounced, that Bilbo would be the same as he was, a stuffy little creature that misplaced his handkerchief in a sudden thirst for adventure and gotten more then he bargained for.

"There, There lad, it's alright now, it's going to be fine now," Balin said trying to offer some condolence, but the old dwarf knew he was lying through his teeth.

Things would not be alright for a long time

If ever

* * *

Welp...that was depressing!


	6. Chapter 6

Welcome back!

this will deal with Ori and Balin's POV a bit (I might do the other dwarves if you like the inner thought thing )

* * *

Turned out their fears where self fulfilling prophecy as the hobbit did end up passed out from the fit and he was settled back into the bed to rest a while longer.

Every one of the dwarves felt sick

How long had he been like this? Yes, he was more emotional then most of them a lot of the time, but this was beyond normal for him, he had gone from infuriated to downright inconsolable in a matter of moments, he had tears, snot and drool dripping from his face, soaking Thorin's tunic in the slippery substances as he cried like he was being tortured by orcs.

The Dwarves went out into the sitting room to talk some things over to let their friend sleep in peace and quiet.

Their youngest stayed back

Ori took out his present, it was a lovely green scarf with blue swirls in the knitwork, he had hoped to present it to Bilbo at his home, after the others had given him the chest of treasure, but maybe this would be better, he walked over to the bed and gently wrapped the hobbit in the scarf, careful not to wake him, though considering, he highly doubted a troll jumping on the bed would have woke him.

the fabric was practically a cloak, being able to wrap around Bilbo's head and shoulders, Ori hoped a bit of extra warmth would help him rest better, he was so happy when Bilbo had accepted the portrait Ori had drawn of him even blushing a bit in embarrassment, it had been funny to see, he wished they could go back to that moment, maybe he could have said or done something to prevent this, but even then he knew that all the pictures and scarfs in the world would not change the past.

What even did he want to change?

Did he want to keep Bilbo from meeting the dragon? Prevent their home from being lost so long ago? But then they would not have met the hobbit at all, that thought made Ori sad, they all loved their new friend, he was funny and had lots of good food for them to eat when they arrived for their meeting! And Ale! Plus the house had been warm and inviting, it was too bad Bilbo did not just pull up another chair and join in on the fun.

Oh! That could be something they could do when they got home to Erebor! A huge feast! A celebration of the burglar that had helped them regain their home! That would make Bilbo so happy! It had to...He was a hobbit, so lots of good food and drink was speaking his language, he could even stay if he wanted, a new home.

He had lost his home, as they had, and there was nothing they could do to help him get it back the way it was, it was ashes now, there was nothing to return to, even if they helped him build another Smial, it would not be the same, stone was stone, yes it wore a bit with time, but fire could not do much damage to it, Bilbo's home was earth, grass, flowers, and wood, easily destroyed and decayed.

They would give him a new home with them! The shire was pretty, but if it was filled with nothing but hostility, then what good was it? The married hobbits who took Bilbo in were nice though...

Maybe they could take them too? Hobbits do seem to like being social...

With those of similar mindset that is

He would ask them later if they wanted to join, they and their children would be more then welcomed in their home, Dwarves loved children since they had so few of their own, some tiny hobbits would be fun!

Ori made sure his friend was settled back in his new scarf cloak and headed to join the others.

* * *

Balin had seen a lot in his lifetime

He had seen what pain and suffering did

He would never wish what he had seen on any of the peaceful races of middle earth, he had seen gold sickness consume Thorin and his grandfather before him, make them drool over soulless gold and jewels, he also knew what more physical injuries could do.

Thorin did mention Bilbo getting a blow to the head during the battle

Balin knew what a blow to the skull could do, he was not a medic like Oin was, but he was old, he had seen it all, a hit to the brain making those he had known for decades..

A stranger

One poor soul had gotten the blunt end of an ax thrown at him and spent the rest of his few days alive staring into space giggling at something unknown to the rest of them, till his body gave out from being unable to take nourishment.

He did not want that fate for the tiny hobbit

Spending however long in a bed, staring off, a prisoner of his own mind, of the dark memories that had been forced upon him.

Balin himself still dreamed of fire...

And the screams of those who fell to it's might, gasping for air as they suffocated, or just turning to charred remains in a quick burst of light.

The rest of them, cast from their home, cold, no place to go, turned away by those who would have demanded help if the positions were reversed, forced to relive the horror, every single day and night of their lives, unable to forget what had been.

Now their friend had suffered a similar fate, losing his home to flames caused by another's greed and desire for riches.

What would have happened if Hamfast had not dragged Bilbo away? If he had just left him like the others had? He could have walked away, let all the problems that might arise with his choice, go up in smoke, let him die.

Balin respected the gardener for being courageous enough to do what he did, as much as he knew Hamfast would most likely deny or underplay his role, he seemed like the sort, a simple man who loved all the comforts his quiet life offered, but, like Bilbo, had a spark to him that would wake up when needed.

He hoped that his bravery would not prove to be in vain

* * *

yeah, it's short, but I hope sweet ...


	7. Chapter 7

A bit of a breather chapter

* * *

Bilbo really needed to stop passing out

As he found when he had awoken that all of the company was preparing their cart to fit another member having bought some more food and would have bought another cloak if Dori did not say that Bilbo should pick his out himself since it would be his and planned on helping him pick out the clasp for it before entering an argument with Bofur about it, apparently cloaks and their clasps were almost as important to dwarves as their hair and beards and are meant to represent the one wearing it.

They had also tried to convince Hamfast and Bell to join them once their baby arrived, with Oin even offering his midwife services if they needed them, which is the conversation Bilbo had walked into.

"I think we have had enough adventure to last our whole lives in this night, but we do thank you graciously for your offer, it would be too strenuous a journey for an infant and children to take" Hamfast said, feeling a bit faint himself at the idea of all the trouble that could happen on the road to put his wife and children in danger.

"Well, alright then, but just let us know if you change your minds, any friend of our hobbit is welcome in Erebor" Oin smiled as a child hung off of his staff in a game before lifting said fauntling up off the ground with said staff earning a squeal of joy.

"And I'm sure he will want to visit you, especially after all you have done to help" Fili said having 2 more children hanging off of his arms looking like he was in heaven, even as they pulled at his golden braids , also looking a bit smug at his brothers pouty face at not having a playmate till a little hobbit lass worked up the courage to scale his leg making Kili's frown turn quickly into laughter as he swung her around earning more screeches of delight.

Bilbo would have happily sat down in the doorway to the bedroom and watched the gleeful event all day, if just to forget the previous night's events, but he needed to think, seems like his dwarves had come to the conclusion he was coming with them and were acting as such, he would need to s-

Wait

Why was he even thinking about staying?

Didn't he come to the conclusion last night that he wanted to leave and was just going to return to Erebor himself anyway? This was just moving up his plans a bit...

Not like he had much to pack now anyway

Bilbo would undoubtedly feel a hole in his heart for his lost home, but he would have 13 dwarves to keep him distracted after all.

Getting to his feet the ex-burglar went out and made his presence known with a clearing of his throat "well if your all done making a disgrace of mister Gamgee's home, I think we have much to-OOF!" Bilbo exclaimed as he was pretty much enveloped it a dwarf pile, though thankfully unlike Hamfast the previous night, he was not under it.

He had his clothing 'fixed' which just made them messier, his hair ruffled till it was a tangled nest, and more hugs and kisses then he could count, he was sure now his sides would be bruised and he would have lip imprints on his forehead.

Bilbo felt very loved indeed

And hungry

"How about we all have some breakfast?" Bell said from somewhere off to the side a smile in her voice

Bless her heart

Everyone sat down and tucked in some good food, and after an impressive belch fest which left the adult hobbits groaning, and the faunts falling out of their chairs with laughter, they settled into the living room and upon learning the dwarves brought a chest of goods for him,Bilbo had it brought in and presented to the Gamgee's.

"Thank you for caring for me and tending to mine and my friends appetites, we can't take this with us, and I think it's the least we can give to thank you for your help" Bilbo said biting back a laugh at the couples pale faces as they stared at the hoard inside mouths opening and closing like codfishes.

"W-we could never accept this! it is too much! we are happy to help" Hamfast finally managed to stutter out and Bell nodded beside him, who could ever need this much!?

"Well, you can take what you like from it then whenever you need it and consider the rest a nest egg of sorts, you do have children, and another on the way, I do not need it and my only reasons for returning to the Shire will be for visits and any legal matters I need to attend to"

"But with all this, you could rebuild Bag End and then some" Hamfast pointed out

"With what I had before I could rebuild, but I can't rebuild my reputation or anything else here, if I stay they will just try and have me locked away as insane so they could take that Smial , I suppose the only consolation is that the Sackville-Bagginses can't get their hands on Bag End now...funny how in Lobelia's desire to get her hands on my house, she ends up destroying it in the process..." Bilbo chuckled a bit, but there was no true joy behind it, he knew he would miss his house, his garden, his kitchen, but there was no going back now.

The dwarves would keep him very busy indeed, of that he was sure, perhaps they needed a cook? Not to mention someone to show them how to clean the dishes WITHOUT throwing them around in the process!

Yes! There was much to be done!

He did not need to think about anything but his new life

No Lobelia, no Smaug, no institutions, no more tears, and anger, no worrying about anything, well maybe a few worries for his trouble makers, but nothing else.

Nothing else

He would forget it all

A new adventure awaited him and he was going to fully enjoy this one

No matter what it took

"Mama can I try on the pretty necklace?" said May Gamgee said eyeing a pearl necklace inside the chest.

"Now May that does not belo-"

"Of course! every little lass needs a good pearl set! perhaps we can find another so you and your mother can match" Dori said lifting the necklace out and putting it on the now giggling May.

Bilbo could not help but smile "it does look nice on you, very ladylike"

"Mister Bilbo said I look like a lady! do I look like a lady mama like in my storybooks?!" May bounced up and down, little brown curls springing with her as she questioned her mom.

"Yes, you look very grown-up" Bell sighed, but she was smiling at the display

"I must insist on an agreement for you to have those pearls, you keep them safely locked away when your not wearing them, or I fear my cousin will choose to make them her new obsession now that my silverware is gone," Bilbo said, earning him an energetic nod from the girl.

"I will! thank you very much!" May said hugging his leg before being herded back over to her siblings

"Are you sure it is alright for her to have them?" Bell asked

"Of course, what would I do with a pearl necklace? I would never find a vest that matched!" Bilbo laughed at his own joke earning a small chuckle from the hobbitess and the dwarves that overheard.

"Seems the sun is starting to rise, we should finish packing" Thorin said not wanting to break up the happy mood, but also not wanting any more trouble, if someone saw a bunch of dwarves at the Gamgee house, much less them leaving with Bilbo in tow, the couple would be hounded none stop till they had no choice but to follow the company, they had saved his friends life, he did not want them to suffer for their act of mercy.

"Right.."

The Drarrow company worked as fast as they could sorting the food they bought for the road and handing Bilbo some proper traveling clothes, even including a pink handkerchief in the set just for a laugh, but it was appreciated none the less by the hobbit who quickly stored it in his pocket for safekeeping knowing a few proper washes would turn it a better color.

"All of you keep warm, and have safe travels home," Hamfast said "we will make sure your money is kept safe for when you choose to visit"

"Thank you for that" Bilbo responded knowing he was not winning that battle at the moment, but he would worry about it later, right now he was enjoying the craftsmanship of the scarf Ori gifted him with, it was very warm and obviously took him a lot of time with how intricate the designs on it were, he would need to make sure that he kept it in a safe spot in Erebor so it would not get damaged.

And with a few more goodbyes and promises to return

The group was off on their journey once more

* * *

Hope you all liked this new chapter ^^ let me know your thoughts on it


	8. Chapter 8

Welcome back

* * *

Thorin really was trying to bite back a grin at the sight before him

Bilbo and the three youngest members of their company had fallen asleep, lulled by the fresh air of the trail and soft scents of the trees and flowers littering the forest around them, Fili's head was resting on Bilbo's shoulder, his left arm over his sibling, who's head was in the hobbits lap. Ori was on Bilbo's other shoulder and even had some of the scarf he had made Bilbo over his arm as it had come loose a bit from the ex burglars' shoulders.

Thorin slowly took off his cape and draped it over the sleeping group, watching as they snuggled closer under its warmth still sleeping soundly.

Thorin and Balin got off of the cart so they could give the sleeping foursome some more room and give them a chance to talk without risking waking the group.

"It seems that we will have a lot to do when we get home, if everything that the Gamgee's told us is true, Oin won't be able to fix it on his own" Thorin said feeling the guilt twist in his stomach once more, if he had just scent a letter, maybe this could have been different...

_ 'He stared into that inferno, it looked like he was willing to go up with it after everything' _

Thorin shuddered, but not from cold

"Thorin, this is not just something that can be fixed like a bone or a cold, it's an illness of the head, that is not so easily beaten back, it will be up to whatever healers we can find for him, and Bilbo's own self that will see just how manageable it can be made" Balin said, he wished it was just some burns or just a case of foul neighbors, but this was more, it was all of that and then some, allowed to fester for months, till it finally took over their Hobbit.

"What do you mean 'manageable'?" Thorin asked not liking the sound of that at all

"What it means lad, is that this is something that never goes away, it sticks with you, like what we went through sticks with us, even now, it's not something a few herbs and some kind words can fix, it's something that has to be managed slowly, at the afflicteds own pace ,and even with that, it might still just go on as it has been"

"You mean he will always have ...fits like back at the Shire?" Thorin paled at that thought, thinking about just having crying or screaming fits at random just because something triggers a bad memory

"Yes, I won't lie to you lad...there will be...states of confusion, nightmares, anger, sadness and even emptiness, all that we can do is be there for him when these 'states' happen, they can go down in how often they happen, but there will still be pain that is left behind and will surface whenever it can remember Thorin, this was allowed to fester over months, holed up inside his house, only coming out for food and to spend a few minutes in his garden, the only things of normalcy he could cling to I wager"

Thorin looked at the rocky ground as if he wanted to blast holes in it with his eyes "so, there is no curing him"

"Don't look so sullen Thorin, yes, we can't just 'fix' him like a broken toy, but we can at the very least help him deal with his condition, let him know he is no longer alone, he has friends by his side whenever he feels an attack coming" Balin said putting his hand on Thorin's shoulder knowing that all of this was hard for him.

Thorin hated feeling so

So...

Helpless

He wished that what was plaguing Bilbo had a physical form, something he could drive away, kill, make sure it never bothered the tiny hobbit ever again, but this was beyond his power to stop, all the kingly might he boasted, all the gold, jewels, and speeches, meant nothing in this situation, as useless as giving a man dying of thirst a bottle of hot oil to drink, it was just cruelly taunting the person suffering.

He wanted to hate the Hobbits who had shunned Bilbo, and a large part of him did, if they had been kinder, perhaps Bilbo would not have been so, broken, when they arrived, but his hate for the shire folk could only go so far.

He was just as much at fault

He was the one who took him from his books, his armchair, his warm home, and respectable nature, forced him to fight in his name, to reclaim a place that he himself had no claim to, fighting a fire breathing worm, almost getting blasted to pieces.

Then as a reward was almost killed by someone he had called a friend during a bought of Thorin's own madness

He supposed he would not have blamed Bilbo if he had wanted to return the favor when he had walked through the door...

_ His fault..._

_His fault..._

_He fell to the dragon sickness_

_He almost killed Bilbo over a stupid ROCK_

_He had let him go on suffering for five months with no letter or show of comfort_

"Lad...LAD!" Balin's shout brought Thorin out of his dark pit of self-hatred and guilt "I know what your thinking about and don't you DARE...that won't help the situation! You will make up with him and both of you will move on from it and work together to manage your issues together, do you understand me?" the old dwarf said in his no-nonsense tone that Thorin knew was useless to argue with and just nodded.

"Good, I know it's hard, it's hard for all of us, we all could have said something, done something, but the point is we did nothing then...but we are trying to do something now, we will do our best to make up for what we lacked before, this will be an entirely new dragon for us all to face, and we will either slay it and stand upon its carcass proudly, or burn together under our failings, but we will do it together, and that is what Bilbo needs, us all to stand together" Balin smiled softly and returned to the wagon to rest his feet seeing the boys and Bilbo were starting to stir from their slumber.

Balin was right

They would slay this dragon

Or they would burn

* * *

I am thinking about having a special guest next chapter, lets see if you can guess who it will be


	9. Chapter 9

Just a small headcanon I agree with

Thorin gave away the Mithril so easily because he looks at his Company as just another part of the treasure

All yaoiness aside...think about it, Thorin knows the dwarves in his company are all going to stay around, and why should he think Bilbo would not do the same? Even Bilbo in LOTR says he misses the mountains and adventures he had, maybe offscreen he mentions this to Thorin, that he likes these things, so Thorin, under his madness thinks Bilbo is going to stay forever in Erebor with them (plus in the scene when Fili and Kili arrive in the mountain, Thorin throws a jewel to Fili before welcoming them to the mountain ) what does it matter giving a piece of treasure to another treasure that won't leave his side? He speaks warmly to his nephews and to Bilbo in both scenes (yes the shirt is most likely worth more than the jewel to US as the audience, but to Thorin himself, it's all equal ("I will not part with a SINGLE coin" come to mind here? )

(plus I think it's a cute idea that it was Ori who did the portrait of young Bilbo that old-Bilbo finds, hence the kind of nostalgic look he gets like he is remembering receiving it )

* * *

Bilbo woke up feeling very warm and comfortable, he must have gotten to bed early that nig-wait...

Was his bed breathing?

Oh

Right...

Bilbo came back down to reality and realized he was in a dwarrow pile with the youngest members of the company, so apparently, he was going to be the resident plush toy till they got to Erebor, good to know.

Though he had to admit they looked really sweet when they were asleep, like nothing was wrong in the world, just sleeping away dreaming of good things.

He stayed still, not wanting to leave the soft and warm huddle and not having the heart to risk waking them up, as still growing dwarves they needed their sleep, and it warmed his insides, even more, to know they felt safe enough with him to form the pile in the first place, they had been through so much together.

Thirteen months the whole journey took, after those months he had returned home to see his kin write him off as dead and sell off his family heirlooms and other belongings, then have the nerve to ask him who he was when he walked up to them, now he was back on the road, not knowing when, if ever, he would return to the Shire, he had nothing to return to, only to visit the Gamgee family, his house would never have anyone cross it's threshold again, as there was no threshold to cross.

It was almost funny

He put so much time, money and effort into reclaiming his sold property, only to have it go up in smoke five months later, his doilies, his china, his maps, and books, he was eternally grateful to Hamfast for at least recovering his Mithril vest and Sting from the wreck, but he had nothing from his life in the Shire left, even the tiny acorn he had planted might never grow into a proper tree for him to enjoy on his visits back, now that it had such a mess on top of it...yes it was a cruel type of joke the world had played on him.

It made him want to laugh and vomit at the same time

Bilbo felt some stirring at his sides and found his impromptu pillows were waking up, yawning and giving the poor hobbit a rather big blast of morning breath with it.

He really needed to tell them about the importance of leaning away from others when they needed to release bodily air...

"Seems you lads are awake now, good, we will need to make camp soon before it gets dark, but we should be getting into Rivendell by tomorrow" Oin said smiling softly at him "Thorin is not happy at all about it, but there is no other route around, but we are making good progress, should only take us 2 weeks to reach home, then you can get a royal tour"

Bilbo smiled back and nodded, liking the idea of seeing Erebor restored, and perhaps helping a bit himself with it where he could, but they had a long way to go, and it would be nice seeing Elrond again, perhaps the dwarves would behave a bit more mannerly this time, not to mention Beorn and Bard, he would see them all again, could see how they have been doing, perhaps Bard was a real king now, though he highly doubted he would dress like one, he seemed the too modest type for such flair, not to mention the love he had for the people kept him from taking up kingship from the start.

Perhaps he was just a simple leader for them? Like a mayor?

And maybe Beorn would have some new baby animals running about, he was sure Ori would love playing with them, not to mention himself, so long as they did not try and make a meal out of his clothes and hair.

He also hoped there was no bear chase like last time!

Once was enough thank you very much!

The Dwarves and Bilbo got off the cart and started to set up their camp for the night, Bomber managed to bend some smaller trees together to form a tent of sorts as protection in case it rained and Oin brought over armfuls of leaves to cover where they would be laying down as a protective carpet against the chill of the ground, the cloaks where hung across the bent trees to keep out the wind and pinned as best the group could get them together, all in all, a suitable tent for that night at least.

Fili managed to get a fire going and everyone settled near it to warm themselves

Everyone

But Bilbo

Bilbo stayed back, he leaned against a rock near the makeshift tent and watched his friends surround the fire.

"Come closer to the fire Bilbo," Balin said walking over to said hobbit who looked at his oversized feet and shook his head.

"No, I'm alright here, thank you" Bilbo did not want to be any more fire for a while "Just go back over there, I might be going into the...tent soon ...I just want some cool air for a minute longer"

"This is not cool air lad, this is cold air, which you do not need right now, just come a bit closer, your shaking like a leaf," Balin said gently lifting Bilbo to his feet, glad that he offered no resistance.

"I suppose a moment..would not hurt" Bilbo hated how seeing the fire made him want to run the other way, it would not hurt him, it was a small campfire to light their little groups shinanigans till they wore out enough to sleep in the cloak tent.

Bilbo sat down and had to admit it felt good being closer to the heat, the chill in his bones faded away and he leaned against a log that had been rolled over for a seat, but the ground itself was softer, he had no need to wake up only to find he had slivers in his bottom the next day from sitting on it, that did not sound fun at all.

"Well there you are boy, we had thought you had gone to bed," Oin said chewing on some bread with his free hand that was not holding his ear trumpet.

"No, I just...needed some alone time to think is all" Bilbo lied, he did not need to worry them more about his sudden overly cautiousness with fire.

"Think? I suppose you do have a lot to think about, but don't worry, things should be alright now! You're going to be the very special guest and soon to be a permanent resident of the greatest kingdom on middle earth!" Oin boasted "You can perhaps be my assistant! Need to strengthen that stomach of yours! Thorin told me about your reaction to his wounds, can't have you throwing up at a little blood now!"

"It was more than 'just a little blood' Oin, it was staining the snow crimson!" Bilbo defended himself turning his own shade of red at the accusation and curled in on himself at the laughter it received.

"Everyone be quiet, we do want our hobbit to STAY with us for a long while, and your cackling is having the opposite effect" Thorin said flatly, he wanted to mend fences with Bilbo and he did not need some silly giggle fit ruining his chances, as selfish as it was, the king knew Bilbo would be useful as an adviser to him, he had common sense, something dwarves tended to lack, including himself.

Perhaps once they arrived home he could take Bilbo aside and ask him if he wished to become his go-to for advice, then he could ease him into talking about their last meetings, he just would need to make sure they were not interrupted, he knew of a few tunnels that where still being cleaned up, one of them would do well enough for a private meeting place, at least for the two of them to talk some things over for a few hours.

He would honor Bilbo and in the process, they both would be able to find peace

If he could have only known it would not be that simple


	10. Chapter 10

the rest of the night passed by without incident and everyone slept pretty well inside their makeshift tent(Dwalin getting a foot in the face during the night notwithstanding ), and Oin was glad to note to the other dwarves that Bilbo had no issues with his ability to fall into dreamland so far, with them being near to him at least.

At least their presence seemed to offer him comfort, at least in his sleep, and for now, that was all they needed, just so long as their hobbit could, at least, get some proper rest , without nightmares interfering, was a huge deal

Breakfast was a pretty quiet affair oddly enough with everyone eager to get back on the road so they could reach home sooner, they would stop in Rivendell for a small visit so Bilbo could see his elf-friend, if it helped him, Thorin would not complain...

Too much

He supposed that if he had to deal with his nephews One being an elf maiden, he could deal with Bilbo being friends with that elf lord.

Perhaps the tree shagger had some magical way to make Bilbo better, that would certainly be a blessing, to say the least.

Though considering everything, luck did not seem to be on their side

Maybe shooting at that white stag had been a bad idea

_'You shouldn't have done that...it's bad luck..."_

_'I don't believe in luck! We make our own LUCK!'_

He had growled at Bilbo, scoffing at the idea of it all, but, now, it seemed all too true, perhaps that damned stag had alerted Thranduil to their presence, which led to so much trouble for everyone.

So many mistakes

He was thankful they had found a way past Mirkwood, so they could not only take their horse but also avoid the Elvenking in the process, Thorin had no interest in seeing the inside of the forest dungeons again, once was enough! Even if that elf got his jewels back, he could not trust him to not do something, especially with a mentally vulnerable member of their party...

He would not put it past him to-

"We are ready to go now Thorin," Bofur said off to his side and Thorin nodded and headed for the cart to help load up their camp items putting his negative thoughts to the side for a moment.

With everyone working together, they were back on the trail before the sun had fully risen into the sky, for which Thorin was glad, they would cover more ground the earlier they set out, they could do a quick hello and goodbye with the Elf-lord and set off again, hopefully not being lured in for rabbit food again and too pitchy music! Ugh!

He was already getting a headache thinking about it...

Bilbo was excited, he had not felt that way in so long that he felt he might burst from it, he could talk with his friend again and perhaps be able to look through his library, hopefully the Company could behave themselves enough this time to not break the furniture and take a bath in the fountain again! He was sure he heard a few elves mumbling about having to drain and scrub said fountain to clean it properly after the said bathing ritual, he felt nothing but pity for the chosen party for that task!

It would be baby steps to getting his drarrow friends to be comfortable around elves, but hopefully Kili being the soulmate with one would help, not to mention Bilbo's own knowledge of Sindarin, perhaps he could convince Kili to learn a few Elvish poems and a few spare phrases to impress Tauriel by learning some of her home tongue, at the very least it would offer the ex-captain some amusement to see her soulmate stumble over his wording trying to make her happy.

Kili had let slip that Tauriel and his mother Dis were getting along swimmingly, and that he was not sure on if he should be happy with this, or worried, since he was not eager for his One to know his childhood embarrassments just yet, especially the one where he had climbed a tree for apples, got stuck and wailed till Thorin scaled up to get him and ended up ripping his own pants in the process of retrieving his nephew and been laughed at by Dis for it.

Bilbo wondered if Kili knew how much he admitted during his ramblings...

Oh well

The hobbit wrapped his cloak-scarf around him more and watched as the trees, flowers and several rocks passed by the cart as it went passed, knowing the dwarves would think him even odder if he asked for them to stop so he could pick a few of the lovely poppies and baby's breath growing on the sides of the pathway to perhaps press inside a book, but he guessed that the poor flowers would wilt before he got his hands on a proper pressing book and he supposed they would much rather enjoy being in the warm sun rather than inside his pockets.

Pockets...

They did feel very empty after his ring was go-

No! No!

It had not been HIS ring!

That...that...

THING

Had been EVIL...it had destroyed so many lives, almost corrupted him, he had barely been able to pitch it into the flames, it whispered empty promises to him, things that sounded good on the surface, but would be unobtainable, Bilbo knew this, having it now would just cause him more pain, more suffering, it would have taken the dwarves from his side one way or the other to further it's own goals of returning to Sauron's hand, to take over middle earth, to shroud the land in darkness and the wails of the damned.

He remembered the months he spent in his house, sitting by the fire, he would absentmindedly reach into the pockets of his vest to fiddle with the ring that no longer resided there, only to be brought back to his senses with a jolt like he had been dumped into a river during the winter months, Bilbo somehow found himself MISSING that horrid thing!

_It made him want to be sick_

_Precious precious precious_

_mine mine mine mine mine_

doomdoomdoomdoomdoom

inferno, fire, flames, destroy, destroy...

Shut up...

ShUt uP...

Be QuIeT...

_Be SiLeNt..._

Bilbo found himself screaming

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"


	11. Chapter 11

Now I watched this video which talks about mental illness...mostly suicidal (don't worry! no suicide will happen in this story I promise!) but I feel it was a good video for me to watch, and if your curious here is a link to it /6c8o68ghGBM

and since this story will get much darker going forward I feel it's important to bring up this video and to encourage anyone having any experiences like anger fits, thoughts of death or anything of the like to seek help, I have depression myself and writing/RPing with friends helps me, I have no urge to die and I have never cut myself, but I know that many do and I urge them to seek help, I know it's hard to ask for help, but crying and needing help is not a weakness, in fact it shows strength to speak up and admit your problems and push forward to heal your mind and body

just something I felt I needed to say, moving on

* * *

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD! OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"BILBO! BILBO! snap out of it!" Thorin grabbed the hobbit and tried to hold him still as his eyes glazed over

unseeing of anything but his terrors

"Oin, do something!" trying to keep a grip on the thrashing hobbit was like attempting to ride a crazed War Hog with no saddle and Thorin was hit in the face and privates several times by the flailing limbs.

"You keep him still! Do you hear me?! Like this, he will hurt you and himself if given the chance!" Oin shouted and searched his bags for some kind of sedative to help relax the hobbit enough to return to a sane state or at least make him fall asleep to where they could think of what to do about this.

"Fili! hold his arms! Kili you hold his legs! and Thorin you wrench his mouth open...but watch your fingers!" Oin warned as he pulled out a vial of strange liquid.

Everyone rushed to do what was ordered as Fili went to hold the hobbits arms in place as his brother barely missed being kicked by an oversized foot in his face, they felt wiry under his grip, but strong, the hands that held his uncle as he supposedly slipped into the other world, that fussed with his handkerchief, could hold dainty teacups with no fear of so much as chipping them, had become thin, nails untended, looking very much like claws ready to slash, his feet in similar condition, Kili saw the soft fur, iconic to the hobbit image, was thinned, like it had been yanked out in a fit of temper like one might the hair on their head, the ankles boney and the color of fresh snow.

Thorin tried to keep Bilbo's head still, the skin clammy and cold in his grip, unkempt hair tangling even more in his fingers like crazed snakes, he gazed into the once emerald orbs only to see they had turned a sickly swamp color in his delirium, teeth-gnashing and looking ready to bite, Thorin did his best to push in on the hobbits face without hurting him but still get his mouth open.

Oin moved as fast as a dwarf half his age, lunging at the group and putting his hand on Bilbo's chest and pressing to encourage him to open his mouth more to seek more air, the medical Dwarrow poured the concoction down the hobbit's throat and ordered Thorin to keep his mouth shut now, eventually after a few tense minutes they felt the tiny creature go limp as the potion relaxed his body.

Oin sighed

"Thorin, your cloak...Fili...Dwalin...your weapons straps..."

"What do you need thos-"

"We will wrap him in the cloak and put the straps around it"

"You want us to tie him down!?" Kili almost shouted looking beyond shocked

"Yes Lad, as sad as it is, we can't have him hurting himself or us, he is not stable, we need to get him into Erebor as fast as we can, no visit is possible at this time" Oin said, he had wished to pick up more Elvish medicine tricks, but he highly doubted they could fix this type of wound, magic or no, he needed immediate treatment and more heavy therapy then a few days in Rivendell could offer

Bilbo slept for 2 days

They were getting closer to their home, closer to help for their friend, taking every shortcut and going as far as they dared without wearing out their horse, but it still felt like it would all take too long, another week it would take, and when Bilbo finally awoke from his drug-induced slumber, they would have to explain why he was tied up and why they could not let him free of his bonds till they were sure it was safe for them all to do so.

A small groan drew all of their gazes

"wha...wha...what is this?!" Bilbo exclaimed wiggling inside the makeshift sack, perhaps even thinking he was the prisoner of trolls again till Oin put his hand on Bilbo's shoulder to steady him.

"Easy now Lad, you had a bit of a ...attack...this is just to keep you safe ok?" Oin tried to soothe him, and not bringing up it was to keep THEM safe as well.

"W-well...can you let me out of this now?" Bilbo stuttered not liking this situation one bit!

"Not just yet, you are still in danger of going into another fit, for now, how about some soup, hm?"

"I don't want any so-"

"Now you need to eat something proper, not just some broth spooned into your mouth," Oin said not wanting to rile his patient up more and hoping the promise of food would make the hobbit forget his ...current situation.

"I don't WANT any soup! Let me loose!" Bilbo shouted struggling more

"I know this is frustrating..."

"You don't know ANYTHING!" Bilbo screeched, eyes blazing, teeth bared once more, it was like some type of monster had taken their hobbit's shape and was using it to torment them, to punish them for not acting sooner.

_This is all your fault_

_He is suffering_

_He can't be fixed like a broken toy_

_He will go on like this_

_Fits of madness_

_What can you do to stop it?!_

_Nothing_

The dwarves tried to shake the negative thoughts from their heads, knowing that it wanted them to just give up, they would not give up though, they would keep on, they would make sure that, even if their burglar could not be fixed, he could at least live with the cracks.

"Now Lad...we will be in Dale soon, it will be nice seeing Bard and his little lad and lasses again won't it?" Oin said, gently putting his hands on Bilbo's shoulders to try and reach through to him in his anger.

"Turn me loose!" Bilbo shouted right at his face

"Can't we let him out of that now? I don't think this is helping him any..." Ori said, fiddling with his sleeves as he watched the sweet Hobbits face contort in anger and confusion.

"Alright...now Bilbo, I'm going to let you out of this...but no doing anything like trying to bounce out of the cart now okay?"

Bilbo just nodded settling down a bit, though he still was angry

Slowly the straps were loosened and Bilbo shook himself free of the rest and went to sit next to Ori, glaring at the rest of them.

Ori was glad Bilbo went to him, but he hated on how it came with the price of him being mad at everyone else, he wanted this trip to be fun, with laughter and joking, now it was like a black mist hung over the cart with the recent event, none of them knew what they were doing, he wanted them to just reach Erebor already, to where they could get other healers, more opinions, get Bilbo into his own space, a room to make his own, maybe that would help a little right?

He hoped so

* * *

I have no urge to glorify the mental burdens on all of the company, not just Bilbo, they all will feel the weight of dealing with someone with fits and such and the other hurdles not related to it, I'm not even sure how I want to end the story, I just want to write and see where it goes, and they will make mistakes like in this chapter, they will do what they THINK is right, but it's not.

there will also be characters who will try and take advantage of the fact Bilbo is ill (somewhat like what the hobbits did ) like Lobelia using it to try and get bag-end and the other hobbits coming to the house, seeing Bilbo being taken to an asylum as worthy "entertainment" much like how in olden times hangings where big events and people would even take their children and make PICNICS out of seeing someone die in a horrible way, this will be my attempts at showing that evil

it might not be great, but if it gets a point across it is worth a scathing review, I'm not a phycologist and I don't claim to be, if you have a mental illness, seek help from a professional, ask their opinion on how to manage it


	12. Chapter 12

sorry another short chapter

* * *

the next few days of travel passed in cold silence, save a few whispers after the hobbit fell asleep, no one dared raise a voice or a joke in fear of setting him off again, no one wanted to see that again, the blinded eyes, the violent convulsions and feeling the hobbits poor physical state under their hands was beyond what they ever wanted to witness again.

But they knew they would more than likely be seeing it again

"We are entering Dale now," Thorin said, trying to keep his voice steady, he was still a king after all and needed to be strong for the people of Erebor, both old and new.

The city was still a bit of a mess, but what else could he expect after only 5 months of restoration being able to take place? Bilbo looked around and took note that the larger buildings where being reinforced first, buildings that could hold large amounts of people and shield them from cold, he also noticed that several dwarves were wandering around helping the humans since they more than likely knew more about building then the ex-people of Laketown, who had been forced to live in dingy houses and had no other choice but to remain stagnant in their acceptance of their poor treatment and conditions.

Bilbo's heart felt a bit lighter seeing them all working together, chuckling a bit when a human child gave a rather enthusiastic hug to the gruff-looking dwarf who seems to have fished out one of the child's toys from inside an open pit making him smile and pat her head.

"King Bard!" came a voice and a young man ran to where Bard the bowman was helping lift some beams to help enforce a rooftop after spotting the Drarrow cart.

"I told you, Thomas, just Bard is fine, there will be no talk of such things till I am sure Dale is restored and can take its place in the world again" Bard said sternly but there was no true bite behind his words and he smiled afterward "now what is it you needed?"

"The king of the dwarves has returned with his company, sir!" Thomas stated

"Oh, they are earlier then expected, that means good news I hope, everyone take a moment to catch your breath and get some water, there is something I need to discuss with the dwarf king" Bard said helping a few people down from the rooftop before making his way over to the cart "it is nice seeing you all made it back in one piece, and it is nice seeing you again master hobbit"

"It is good seeing you again too, how are your children doing?" Bibo asked smiling at his friend, seeing him doing well in his new leadership role was very nice to see, he still looked the same as he did, same messy black hair and worn coat.

"They are doing very well, thank you, I am glad you agreed to return, though the changing seasons has left Tilda with a slight cold, not to mention a few mild injuries here and there from the construction work, I would be most grateful if master Oin could take a look at her and the others to make sure things are in fact mild" Bard asked

"I will be happy to make sure the little lass is on the mend and I have my bag right here with the proper equipment for such wounds that come with building" Oin smiled also feeling less heavy then he had in days at the idea.

"There is also the matter of some of our food stocks going missing, it has not been much, but it is noticeable...I would ask you all keep an eye out for whoever it is so we may ask them why they feel the need to steal from the rest of us instead of asking" Bard said sounding concerned, he had been getting the feeling something evil was in their mists again, and he wanted to find out what and make sure it would not harm his people or the Dwarves of Erebor.

"Thank you for informing me, we will make sure to report to you if we find anything" Thorin said also not liking the idea of a food thief wandering around, yes there would be plenty to eat once proper farms and hunting parties where set up, but something in his gut twisted and said that this was not just someone taking more than their fair share.

Oin got off the cart and made his way over to Bard "you lads continue up, I'll be up a bit later after my duty is done" Oin said knowing he would not be needed once Bilbo was taken by some healers who could deal with his mental injuries, it hurt that he could not help his friend, but like with the incident with Kili and the elf maid, he needed to put his health in someone else's hands and pray it worked.

Bilbo was a bit disappointed that he would be unable to see the children that day, he had hoped to get more information that the adults would not give him and perhaps tell them a tale or two, but maybe later he guessed, he did not want to disturb the girl if she was sick, Oin was better company than him for that.

He was still mad at him but he would not sell his friends skills short after he had days to cool off from the incident and realize that they were just trying to keep him from harming someone in his ...state.

It had been horrifying, he could not control himself, all it took was thinking of that blo-no no no! he would not so much as THINK about that blasted thing! He would not send himself into another fit!

Breath ...breath...

Think about warm sunlight

Storytelling

Laughter

Books, maps, his pipe, the river that he swam in as a child, dances, parties.

It's ok..my friends..it's ok...tea...cake...

Whew...that was close...

"You alright? You went pale" Balin spoke up leaning towards him

Bilbo nodded "yes, just excited I suppose to see your home back to the way it was"

"Well, it's not as it was, but it is improvement I must say" Balin smiled gently not believing Bilbo's attempt to distract him, but not wanting to push him to speak, not when they were so close to getting him proper help, he did not need to coil more into his shell because they went to fast.

up, up and up the mountain they went, Erebor was in sight and it looked beautiful with the sun shining off the craftsmanship that went into carving it into the rock wall, flowers and trees blew gently in the wind sending a wonderful, calming scent down to the company.

Then the horse went crazy

A frightened neigh erupted from the mare as a large snake was thrown at her head by something in the woods making her lunge forward throwing several of the group out of the cart with a harsh jolt including Bilbo who had the breath knocked from his lungs, but before he could properly register what had happened he felt his ankles had been grabbed by something and he was yanked harsh and fast into the brush and whatever did it kept going knocking the hobbit over stumps and rocks, through shrubs and bushes till he was thrown against a rock wall and came face to face with someone he never had wanted to see again.

_"Heeeellloooo Bagginsess..."_


	13. Chapter 13

_Heeeelllooo Bagginsesss..._

No...it couldn't be...

But it was

The lantern-like eyes that gleamed with hunger and pure madness, the bony body with yellowish skin that looked like it had been stretched over the bones as tight as would be allowed, now it looked even uglier somehow like age had finally gotten its grip on this thing.

Bilbo could see the nine sharpened to a knife-like point teeth inside the mouth of the now smiling creature and wondered if he could kick hard enough to knock those hideous chompers loose, but before the hobbit could act on his thought, a horrid pain exploded in his head, Gollum had moved faster then he had been able to catch and had picked up a large rock and thrown it right at Bilbo's head.

Nausea flew over him, his vision was blurred as blood flowed freely from the wound the rock had made, Bilbo struggled to make his body move, to stand, to run, to get away from whatever fate Gollum had planned for him.

_"Bagginsess has been very bad, he _toooooksss_ the _preeecccious_ from us..._nooow_ we _feeeeel pooooorrrllyyy_..."_ Gollum rasped out in a growl as he let out his horrible hacking noise like he had gotten a whole fish skeleton caught in his windpipe _"Weeeee _haaaates_ Bagginsesss! We PUNISH _bagginsess_ for taking our _preciouuussess_!"_

Another pain ran up Bilbo's leg like fire

_Help me_

Was Bilbo's last thought before his consciousness left him

"Find him! Find our hobbit!" Thorin roared out though he needn't have bothered as the remaining dwarves had already thrown themselves off the cart and headed into the woods to search.

Bombur ran through the bushes felling them like nothing hoping perhaps that whatever that creature that dragged Bilbo off had just dropped him behind some brush pile and left, the chubby dwarf shivered, it was getting so cold out now as the sun was starting to set, once they found their friend he would make a huge pot of the most delicious soup he could and would make sure the hobbit ate as much of the warm concotion as he could stomach, he had seen how thin he had gotten, the chef would make sure to remedy that.

Bofur managed to scale a tree, having plenty of practice after that one incident on their quest, but he could not see anything yet, so the goblin thing must have dragged his friend even further away, he climbed down and started running again, the toymaker wanted to find Bilbo quickly before something bad could happen.

The ground flew up to meet his face as he slipped

Bofur landed hard on his rump and only missed eating dirt because a pair of burly arms wrapped around his chest and he met a soft face as Bombur settled him back onto his feet.

"Thank you, my friend...now what did I...slip...on...oh no..." Bofur saw red

**_blood_**

Red coated the leaves and grass in speaks and streaks, the toymaker whimpered a bit to see his boots now had blood all over them.

Bilbo's blood

"We have to find him quickly!" Bofur shouted and both dwarves ran even faster into the wooded area that grew thicker as they went on before a hum hit their ears and then a song that made their insides twist.

_meaty flesh _meeeeaaaaty_ flesh_

_Soft soft _sooooft_ and _juuuuicy

_Red rivers of niceness flow _freeeee_...Suck out the insides of the bones..._

They headed forward towards the sounds, and soon they came to where the sound was the clearest, but the rock side of a small waterfall shielded the singer from their view and Bofur took a deep breath to work up the courage to look around it.

And he turned green at what he saw, having to hold back a gag holding his mouth in horror

Bilbo was on his side, his pants had been shredded, the sleeves of his shirt had been torn off and bite marks littered his arms and legs where skin was exposed,his feet also having been chomped on, an ugly mark where blood was also coming from was on his head near his temple, his eyes where half-lidded but there was just darkness under them signaling he was not awake and for that the small duo was not sure whether to be thankful for the small mercy that he did not have to feel what was happening to him or be more worried that he was knocked out once more, it was only a shaky rise and fall of the hobbits chest that signalled to the two that he was even alive at all.

Bombur ran forward with a yell to distract the creature and swung a meaty hand into the chest of the monster sending it flying into the water with a demonic shriek, Bofur went to Bilbo's side and took off his beloved hat and pressed it to the head wound hoping to stem the bleeding a little well trying to remove his coat with one arm so he could warm the hobbit a little bit since his skin was like touching a winter river.

The larger dwarf did his best to keep Gollum away from Bofur and Bilbo as the slimy thing kept trying to dash past him towards the duo with obvious intentions to drag their wounded friend away again or just kill him outright, but Bombur was having none of it and managed to trap his foe in his looped beard and keep him trapped against his belly even as the cannibal thrashed against him and scratched his face.

_"EEEAAAA! UGLY, FAT DWARFISH THING!"_ Gollum bellowed as he struggled against the larger Drarrow shouting even ruder insults that Bombur was not even sure the creature knew what they meant.

"_WE KIIIIIIILLLLSSSS IT! KILLS IT! EAATS FEEAAST ON IT'S BONES!"_

"Silence!" Bombur said and squeezed as hard as he could, fighting back tears at the thought the one who had offered him a cheese knife even when he had pillaged all the cheese he had and, as he put it, made a disgrace of his bathroom, had been at the mercy of this slimy toad, being EATEN like he was a fresh biscuit offered to a starved child.

But this was no child and Bilbo was not something to be consumed!

With a harsh wrench and a sickening crunch, the creature went limp, dead as a stone, Bombur let the monster drop to the wet ground with a gross squelching sound and made his way over to Bofur and helped the toymaker remove his coat to wrap it around Bilbo.

"I have to keep pressure on the wound but we have to get him out of here fast," Bofur said and the two managed to lift Bilbo up as carefully as they could so Bombur could carry him well not jostling the impromptu bandage.

They ran back as fast as they could in their positions with Bofur having to keep up with Bombur well keeping his hat in place on Bilbo's injury and the rest of the company who saw them rush past soon followed till they were back at the cart.

"What happened?!" came the shouts from random members till Bilbo's cry of pain and twitching from his fingers silenced them all, but nothing came from it but the poor hobbit going limp again.

"Whatever it was that dragged him off...hit his head with something or he hit it on the way to where they stopped...and then took several bites out of him, don't ask to see, it's not a pretty sight and I would rather they remained bundled up till we get a healer to look them over" Bofur said as Bombur deposited Bilbo onto the cart and got in himself to continue his work with holding his head.

Then they made the horse run towards its destination

"Quickly! Get our healers, we have wounded!" Thorin shouted and mear moments after his command was called no less than seven dwarrow, dressed in white medical robes exited the gates and rushed for the cart to receive the injured party and two of them slowly settled Bilbo onto a stretcher with another taking over Bofurs job, replacing the hat with a proper clean cloth, making Bofur let out an uncomfortable noise as he saw just how much blood was on it.

"Alright move it, everyone! We have a serious head wound and several lacerations to the arms and legs!" Said one medical dwarrowdam as she cleared a path for them in the sudden onslaught of curious dwarfs who had come out at their king's call and her shouts and demands for random medical items faded into the stone building as did Bilbo's still form.

"He will be alright lads..." Balin said trying to comfort the group even though he was not so convinced himself "He has fought spiders, dragons and orcs, he will pull through this"

"He looked so pale..." Ori whimpered leaning into Nori making his brother hold him closer trying to console him "Why is all of this happening to him? He doesn't deserve it!"

"A lot of the time it's the good ones that suffer the most" Balin said quietly "No one deserves this though, if he pulls through, we will have to be careful, there is more darkness hanging over his head then ever before, all we can do is try and keep it from consuming him"

* * *

*hides from the onslaught of rage that will be coming from this chapter* I love Bilbo's character, really!


	14. Chapter 14

A well-known fact about dwarves is that they hated waiting, hated it with a burning passion that rivaled Smaug's flames.

And the company was no different

Especially if what they were waiting for was news on their wounded companion's condition.

Would Bilbo be alright after everything? Or would he just die after surviving so much and not have anything to show for his efforts but a few bar songs dedicated to his memory?

Even if they got him in time and patched him up, there would still be the risk of infection from whatever nastiness was on the teeth of that monster, possible hypothermia from the cold, not to mention his mental state after this incident.

Bofur gripped his still bloodied hat tight, grimacing as the red liquid soaked into his gloves as well, had his efforts been any help? If he had gotten to him faster, if he had managed to grab him before that creature could drag Bilbo off...he had blood on his hands both literally and figuratively, he just hoped his friend could and would forgive him.

If he lived past this that is...

That hobbit would be lucky if he could even go to the bathroom without a bodyguard! It seemed he just attracted dangerous situations, he did not deserve such treatment and the company would make sure their hobbit remained safe from this moment on!

"H-h-how Long, do you think he will be in there?" Ori asked wringing his hands together in his nervousness and worry, he was hoping to get to know the Shireling better, they had not talked much during the journey, and then all the incidences afterward had only allowed him the bare minimum of interactions with Bilbo, he was hoping he could translate some of their books for their friend to read and help him to settle into the mountain with the others help.

"Hard to tell, could come out in a few minutes...or a few hours...he had a lot of injuries, but I'm sure the healers are doing their best to patch him up" Nori said trying to sound comforting towards his baby brother, but not being very convinced himself, this was not his forte, the comforting mother hen thing was Dori's job.

And Dori had run off a while ago to, as he said, make a beautiful coat worthy of the kings new advisor and wanted it as done as he could get it before Bilbo woke up, but everyone knew he was just trying to hide the fact he was breaking inside from the others, sewing was his safe haven, as long as he was making something for someone, they would obviously have to be alive to wear it.

"He went nose to nose with a dragon of all things, a few bite marks from a goblin won't put him down for long!" Gloin bellowed out trying to give a shining grin, but everyone saw it did not reach his eyes, he was just as scared as the rest of them.

"He spent five months thinking that uncle, Kili and myself all died, wallowing in that dark pit of mourning, that is a dragon in itself and that was no goblin that dragged him off, it went straight for Bilbo and pulled him away, it did not just kill him and then go for us, it was him that it was after...plus no other goblins showed up and they usually travel in hoards to overwhelm their prey, this one was alone whatever it was" Fili said looking to Bofur and Bombur for answers hoping the brothers could give him one, only to get shrugs in return.

"We don't know what it was, it hated Bilbo though, it took it's time chewing him up, it was going to eat him alive slowly and painfully, it was sickening to look at, it looked like a deformed hobbit almost...it had the foot size and about the right height" Bofur noted feeling ill at the thought a sweet little hobbit could become THAT...

"Think..it was a hobbit? It's possible, with all the dark goings about before with the goblins and orcs...and Bilbo did disappear for a while remember? When we got captured by the goblins" Kili said shivering "Maybe there was some leftover darkness that infected that thing and Bilbo came across him and made it angry somehow"

"What could do that to a hobbit?" Fili questioned his brother

"I don't know, but maybe Bilbo knows?" Kili answered shrugging a bit "If it was a hobbit, Bilbo might even have been friends with it at one point, or at least know who it was"

"Something tells me our hobbit has a lot to explain when he awakens.." Thorin rumbled out, he hated the idea of interrogating his sickly friend so soon after a traumatic event, but if what had attacked him truly was a hobbit, if Bilbo could become like that creature if something specific happened, then Thorin wanted to keep the Shireling as far away from said trigger as possible.

He would not lose Bilbo to madness like Thorin had almost lost himself to it and Thorin had the gift of having his nephews and friends with him, Bilbo had no one for five months, having nothing but that gardener once and a while and his own growing despair for company.

Would Bilbo go mad?

Thorin hated thinking it, but it might already be happening, from what he saw of the deformed mystery creature, it was pale and thin with stringy hair and too large eyes, Bilbo was thinner than he normally was, his skin was also pale and his hair looked like it needed a good scrub, if it got much worse, he might really look very similar to that monster that dragged him away from them.

The fits

The screaming nightmares

His deteriorating physical state

It looked so much like...

I...willl_ not _parrt_ with a _ssssssssingle_ coin..._

_Throw him from the ramparts!_

_I am betrayed..._

...No!

That can not happen! The king under the mountain would not let it!

That cold madness, surrounded by meaningless things, only thinking about one thing, not caring enough to sleep, eat or drink, slowly wasting away, he had seen it take his grandfather, seen it take so many others, almost taking him, it would not take their hobbit!

'Sire?" came a soft voice from the doorway as a medical dwarrowdam stepped out and the company recognized her as the one from the gates leading her fellows back inside with Bilbo in tow.

"Yes? What is it? is he awake?" Thorin questioned trying to sound calm for both her sake and his.

"No, he is still out, but we did give him something to help him sleep so do not worry, he did wake a couple of times beforehand crying out for you all, but he will sleep now and be able to recover from his ordeal, the injuries did make him lose a lot of blood and he will most likely scar from all the marks, but he will pull through I would wager" The dwarrowdam said cleaning her glasses with her apron.

"Good, thank you for you and your teams' hard work," Thorin said genuinely "I will personally make sure you are all well compensated for your efforts"

"Bah! don't worry about that, worry about your friend, I do not do this for money, I do it to heal, much like Oin himself does, our place is to be by the sides of the wounded and help them through, whether that be through recovery or a hand to hold as they pass into the other world, you can't put a price on that, you may come in to see him now,but do not try to wake him or you will wish an orc got a hold of you by the time I'm through!" and with a whirl of her skirts she disappeared into the medical room once again.

"Shall we then?"

* * *

what do you think we should name our medical dwarrowdam? I am hoping to use her more in the story...


	15. Chapter 15

The company did not know what to expect when the walked into the room that held the wounded, dying and sick, and now held their friend who seemed like, to them, a twisted version of all three.

It was warm in the room from the fireplace that was lit nearby and smelled of random herbs and salves that were used in healing, a few beds littered the room, all empty, except one.

The hobbit laid on almost glowing white sheets and almost appeared himself to match them if it was not for the red-tinted cheeks he currently had from a fever, his head had been properly bandaged and strings of curly light brown hair stuck out in random places, his arms and legs had also been wrapped up, with some type of salve spread over them to prevent infection.

No words were spoken between them for what seemed like hours

"His face is red..." Ori pointed out wanting to say something to break the deafening silence that had spread among them as they stared at the figure on the bed "Is Oin going to return soon?"

"I don't think that there is much more he can do..." Nori sadly stated hating that he could not offer a happier answer for his baby brother, but he also could not lie to him either, especially not with evidence to the contrary right in front of them.

"We will take shifts" Thorin stated staring at the still hobbit "I want at least one of us to be here so when he wakes so they can inform the rest of us"

"And so the lad won't have to wake up to a room full of strange drarrow he has never met" Balin finished nodding "that would give anyone a fright, and that is the last thing he needs"

"Right, Bifur will you take first watch?" Thorin asked, unfortunately , needing to get back to his duties despite his desire to stay earning him a nod from said dwarrow.

Contrary to what many people seemed to think, Bifur was not stupid, yes the ax wound in his head made it hard for him to speak common tongue, but that did not make him stupid, Khuzdul was his mother language and his Iglishmêk sign language were just easier for him to do rather then give himself a headache trying to force out another set of words he was not used to, besides, everyone seemed to figure out what he needed or wanted easily enough, though he could force out common tongue if he wanted.

He just most of the time, did not want to...not to mention most did not seem to get the fact he could UNDERSTAND them perfectly well, despite them speaking common, it disgusted him some of the things others said when they thought he did not know what they were saying.

Even Bilbo could usually figure out what he wanted to say just by watching his body language and listening to the tone of his voice and spoke to him in common though he did mention wanting to learn their Iglishmêk sign language when he heard he could not learn the protected Khuzdul tongue since it was sacred to dwarves and only taught between them, but Iglishmêk could be learned by anyone if they desired to know it as it was not under any protective laws.

Would Bilbo become like him?

He had been a toymaker like his brother, Bofur had loved it when he was little and Bifur would show him the newest toy he had created for him and soon enough they would team up for bigger jobs for others, they had been so happy in their craft.

Then had gotten the axe in his head and there went his ability to speak common till it was removed, not to mention his 'berserker rage' during battle that had popped up, and their hobbit had received so many head injuries over the course of the journey and afterward, would be be able to speak at all? Would he be mute when he woke up? The dwarrowdam did mention him crying out for them all earlier, but that was during his sleep, in his wakeful moments would he not be able to talk? He had seen that and many other horrible traumas in his life.

Unable to control his battle spirit and difficulty in speaking a tongue he had once spoken fluently and easily...

Those moments of rage and the horrible wails of a wounded beast that the tiny thing had let out ...the prim and proper hobbit had already started losing himself, and now, this had to happen...

If Bilbo was still able and willing he would teach him Iglishmêk and perhaps a few spare Khuzdul words, custom be damned!

Bilbo would be living in a dwarven mountain, around dwarven language, customs, celebrations and would be the king's advisor, he should know their language as he was pretty much one of them already! The king and the rest of their company would wholeheartedly agree he was sure of THAT.

Hours passed by, how many no one quiet knew, but many shifts were done and everyone would bring in random presents, wanting to fill the dreary room with some kind of color, some kind of LIFE, it was all cold grey's and white's, so they brought in a few random flowers they found outside and a shiny emerald pin was also put on the bedside table along with a couple of carvings of birds, Fili and Kili went into the towns and brought back a horde of random foods and sweets, no doubt the boys planned on making their hobbit sugar crazy!

Ori brought in some parchment and pens, so if Bilbo did not ...or could not speak, he would still be able to converse with them and a hat to match the scarf he had made.

Dori brought in the new coat, it was a lovely blue color with red lining the inside and the cuffs with gold buttons and a flared collar to protect from the chill, it was lovely and everyone was sure Bilbo would love it.

Thorin had the mithril shirt and Sting both cleaned of the ash that clung to them and shined so that Bilbo would not feel the need to do so himself well hurt and had a proper room cleaned out for the hobbit to stay in when he was healed, both items placed on the fluffy bed to await there owner.

They put out all the stops to try and keep themselves busy to keep from worrying and to make sure things were perfect.

The following day Thorin was in his office sorting through some papers wishing they all would just get blown out the window when Fili rushed in his hair a mess and looking excited

"UNCLE! It's Bilbo! He is waking up!"

* * *

sorry about the short chapter...do you think we should have some scenes back in the Shire? or have Bilbo return for some reason and let everyone know he is in fact, alive?

what do you guys think should happen next?


	16. Chapter 16

Thorin ran as fast as his steel-toed boots would allow and entered the medical wing earning him a surprised squawk from the medical staff and a (thankfully empty ) bedpan thrown over his head, with a varied slew of curses in Khuzdul aimed at him and his sudden interruption of their work, but Thorin had no interest in scolding his healing staff for it, He had other matters to attend to.

Bilbo was wiggling like a caterpillar trying to free itself from its cocoon on his bed of the past few days,one medical dwarrow standing near his bed monitoring the hobbit and petting his head to offer some sort of help from the contact, Bilbo's face was scrunched up as he tried to rouse himself from the depths of unconsciousness, he looked more rosy and less like death warmed over now, for which everyone had been happy to see.

More footsteps sounded from behind the king under the mountain as the other members of the company ran in, also having heard the news of Bilbo's stirring about and eager to be there when he did.

"Come on Mister Baggins...you can do it!" Kili encouraged, bouncing like a pebble would upon receiving his first present during Yule time, energetic display only increasing when Bilbo responded to his voice by cracking an eye partially open before wincing and closing it again forcing them to dim the torches in the room to not hurt the hobbit further.

"Whah...whe-is it...time ..to ...eat?" Bilbo croaked out and as if to go with it, his belly rumbled making everyone in the room laugh.

Of course, the hobbits first thought on waking up would be of a proper meal!

"I will have some light soup brought in that will be easy on his stomach and help get his strength back, no need to add vomit on top of everything else he is dealing with" Oin said before barking at the member of his team that was by Bilbo'd bed to fetch said food item making the poor dwarrow scurry out of the room like Smaug was on his tail.

Not to mention the rest of the company having to remind themselves that THEY were not the ones being yelled at and following the medical dwarf back out...

Oin took Bilbo's hand and spoke much more gently

"Ok Master Hobbit, now you don't have to open your eyes yet or talk if you don't want to, just tap my hand with your finger, once for yes, twice for no, alright?"

One tap

"Ok good, now, are you in any pain?"

Two taps

"Good also, you should only feel some mild tingling from the pain salve, do you feel that?"

One tap

"Are you numb anywhere? Like you can't move it or feel it at all?"

Two taps

This went on for a while till Oin was satisfied and Bilbo found the energy to open his eyes and sit up to talk to them properly with the assistance of several pillows behind his back and head.

"W-what happened?" Bilbo asked searching his brain for the answer but coming up blank, all he remembered was seeing Erebor in his sights and then it was all a blur of pain, cold and a raspy whisper in his ear about how his death would be as long and painful as possible and clammy fingers touching him _everywhere..._

"You were attacked by some sort of strange goblin, but don't worry about it now, it's gone and you are here in Erebor, safe and sound," Oin said before trying to spoon some soup into the hobbits mouth only to get an indignant snort in return and Bilbo taking the bowl and spoon and start eating.

He was not an infant and could feed himself thank you very much!

And thankfully for him Oin did not have it in him at the moment to scold the hobbit for his behavior, anyone would be frustrated not being able to remember anything of recent events, and just rolled his eyes and the medical dwarrow went to re-wrap a few bandages that popped loose.

"With all the blows to your skull as of late, we might have to make you a specialty helmet for you to wear all the time" Oin quipped not wanting to let him completely off the hook not wanting to make a habit of the nonsense.

Bilbo said nothing and only the clinking of a spoon signaled to Oin that he was still awake, Bilbo snuggled more into the sheets after finishing his broth and looked around at everyone staring at him, obviously worried and gave a crooked smile trying to soothe them as well as himself "I am alright, just a little tired and my head is still a bit stuffy, but some more rest should fix me up properly"

"I would like you to stay awake a bit longer so I can run a few more tests," Oin said already starting to look into Bilbo's eyes for anything off in them and checking his head to see how well it was healing.

Bilbo just let him, knowing he did not really have too much choice in the matter and deciding that even if he fell asleep in the middle of the exam no one would or could really complain.

"Well your head wound will scar, as will the markings on your arms, legs, and feet, but they do not look like they are infected, so you do not have to worry about that" Oin stated as he put away his medical items.

Bilbo hated the idea of having scars all over, but he bet that he would hate having an infection or having actually been killed by that goblin more!

"I have a room all set up for you whenever your ready to use it," Thorin said "it has your sword and armor inside, we can have you properly measured for clothes a bit later"

"Thank you...you did not need to.." Bilbo began

"If you are going to be a part of this mountain I will need to take care of you like I take care of any one of my subjects" Thorin cut him off before he could begin his self-deprecating monologue

"Well...thank you for everything," Bilbo said red in the face not knowing what else he should or even could say to that.

"I already have a jacket for you!" Dori grinned and showed off the coat he made and Bilbo did in fact, love it, it was the most beautiful jacket he had ever seen! He looked forward to wearing it and told Dori so making the grin go even wider and earning him a firm but gentle hug and that seemed to be the signal for everyone else to join in on the cuddle pile.

Bilbo just sighed

It would still be a rough time ahead and his dwarves were sillier than anything

But they were his silly dwarves

And nothing in middle earth was going to change that

* * *

well sorry to end it so suddenly...but I do have ideas for a sequel after I'm finished with "All I ever wanted all I ever needed" where Bilbo returns to the Shire and shocks those dickish hobbits and rewards the Gamgees for their help (with some things thrown in that are spoiler related...)

But I did kinda want to end it on more of a sweet end of bittersweet (yes PTSD is a horrible illness but it does not mean all hope is ever lost when someone has loving family to help them through and I wanted the ending to reflect that )


End file.
